Sitting down to write this post, I wanted to draw a connection to Mother’s Day, which in North America we celebrate on the first Sunday in May. Then I paused, and stalled. There are many subjects about which I feel comfortable writing, but motherhood is not one of them. The many treasured stories that my family and I hold dear are too personal to share online.
I ask myself what my fellow moms would write about on their blogs. What stories would they relate? Should I write about the challenges of being a working mom, of wishing to be more active in our community but never quite being able to carve out the hours? I spend very little time around other parents of school-age children. I wonder what conversations take place in the school yard among them. More importantly, I miss my children immensely, especially toward the end of the workweek, after having been away from them for too many hours, only seeing them briefly in the morning and again at bedtime.
Then the guilt seeps in and I rush to press the heavy lid down atop the impatient bubbles that have started to form on the surface, inviting me into the hot water. I shake off the guilt. I refuse to entertain it. To me, what matters is that every morning, I wake up with the intention to be the best mom I can be to my children; I am reminded of that goal when I slip off my high heels in the front hallway before walking back into the haven of my home to be greeted by my two favourite boys, leaving the workday behind and stepping back into my role of Mommy.
“Many parents are in your situation, you know,” a good friend volunteered a reminder several days ago.
I suspect many other parents wonder whether they are truly doing their best, whether they should be putting a greater effort into taking better care of their children. I wonder whether my parents have asked themselves those questions in the midst of their routine of work–cooking–cleaning and soothing my and my sister’s worries while trying to veil their own. I remember those days clearly. How recent they feel! Hence my reminder to focus on the one truth, to continue working honestly, moving ahead with awareness, and repeating that only love is welcome in our home. There is no room for guilt or doubt.
I’m sending wishes to all the goddesses for a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend! Whether you are a mama to your own biological child or an adopted child, whether you stay at home with your babies every day or can’t wait to return home to them after the work day, and also for those who miss their children every day, remember that amidst the rush and chaos, we can always return home to love.